Will you answer the call of your inner guidance? Can you stand up for yourself?
Many years I was silent, I I didn't have words to share. My voice didn't speak as I felt no one invited or understood it.
I stayed quiet and withdrawn from the world, to be by myself, surrounded by nature.
Outwardly, I gave my authority away and agreed with others to avoid any discussions or questions about myself. I had no strenght to argue, convince or even attempt to help someone understand. It took a lot of energy to guard myself in that way.
Those who were close to me knew that my inner world will eventually be revealed. Not fully, but to some extend, when I'm ready to share. In this time, there were countless human angels who supported me towards my potential. They were encouraging me, celebrating me and listening attentively. Eventually this journey led me towards meeting my teacher and I felt like, for the first time, there was someone that understood everything. However, I still gave away my authority, looking for an outward validation and approval, dismissing my own inner guidance. Until eventually, I saw the truth.
What if the most sacred task we are given in this life is to stand up for ourselves and embrace ourselves with all of our percieved flaws and atributes? What if nothing about us is flawed, and we are, in fact perfect in each moment unfolding?
Look inside and listen to your inner dialogue, do you feel dissapointed, angry, frustrated or bitter? Perhaps it is not the outside world that is causing this discomfort, but the inner critic, that subconsciously whispers some beliefs and opinions you have developed about yourself?
For this post I want to share this watercolour painting of a rooster. This rooster is a reminder for me to always listen to my inner guidance, even if I don't understand and know why I am called out to do something. Here is a story of a rooster and how inner and outer worlds blend and manifest together.
I recieved a stained glass rooster from a friend. This rooster surprised me, as I didn't feel afinity with the spirit of this animal and didn't understand why it showed up in my life at that point. The colours of yellow, red and green made this bird a beautiful accent for my home, so I hang it by the window, grateful for this special, hand made gift. Just 2 weeks later a person who made the rooster, passed away. Shortly, I went home to visit my family overseas. When I was home, I felt strong urge to paint the rooster in watercolour, but I kept dismissing it with the usual voice: "what's the purpose of this, there's so many rooster paintings, who needs another one?"
Yet the voice kept nagging, the rooster kept showing. It went to the point I could see the rooster's face and make up each individual feather in my mind. It was so ready to come out. I said to myself, I don't know why I feel the calling to paint this, but I will go by inner voice and bring this gift to life. It is not for me to judge the value of my talents and offers. As I sat to paint the rooster, it was as if it painted itself. I watched the animal come out from underneath the brush, loving every stroke. The cathartic feeling overcame my body and mind, and I was at peace.
That night I found out that the spouse of my friend who gave me the stain glass rooster just passed away. I didn't know how, but I knew those events were connected. Inside, I felt the highest purpose and calling being fulfilled in this moment.
In a short time after I was faced with challenging and difficult emotions that arouse as a result of healing past patterns. When it felt like nothing was left in me, I reached for a brush and painted another rooster, this time entirely from my inner world, together with calligraphy.
"Loyal to ones glorious virtues"
In this moment I realized that I always have myself. There is always a present moment, as long as I'm alive, there's now. And in the now, I can be with everything that I am, without judgement or expectations. In the now I am reborn, a new person who has never existed before. And I have no idea who she is, but I am curious about her, I want to listen to her.
Gazing upon this tired, beat up rooster, who is still standing confidently, guarding his truth I feel safe to trust myself. It is safe to trust yourself too.
All those moments of painful experiences, years of silence and things that I did that I judged myself for were just as perfect as this moment is. It is thanks to them I am here today and they were acts of bravery. Bravery to live my life and see were my choices get me. Bravery to have life experiences, sometimes extreme, to learn about where I am straying away from the truth. Ultimately, they have guided me towards the truth.
Do you feel called out to create a piece of art that perhaps your mind rejects as unnecessary or doubts your ability? Do you feel a deep need inside you? Perhaps it's to go out for a walk in nature. Eat pomegranate fruit, wear baggy clothes or a fancy dress. Sing a song, talk to someone or sit in complete silence, alone. Perhaps your interests seems wild, like learning martial arts, chinese calligraphy or rock climbing.
What is it that is calling you out? Whatever it is, may you feel safe to give yourself the opportunity to do it and love yourself in all that you do. You may never know who benefited from your aligned action, perhaps this person is not born yet. Maybe it is a future you?
from Izabela /inner light calligraphy
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