Healing oneself- watercolour painting by I. Lizon
To listen to the author reading this blog out loud click the youtube video
If you started your deconditioning process, you are probably aware of how difficult it is by now! Human Design is an amazing tool, but like every other system, it will not do the work for us. It is up to us to do the nitty gritty of self- analysis, self- awareness and self- healing.
I would like to reassure you that you are on the right path. Follow your authority and strategy despite the insecurities, judgments and fears that come up.
Here is are few persistent myths about deconditioning/ healing process.
1. You need someone to heal you
Perhaps you started a new meditation, discovered a new system or met a new mentor and you feel so hopeful! Finally someone is here to save me, to heal me! If only it was that simple... While yes, the systems and guides are here for you, it is you who has to do the work. There is no other way around this, and if you were promised to be "healed" know that this is a red flag. There are mediums and guides who can facilitate healing for you, educate you and support you through your process, but the work belongs to you and only you are responsible for your own healing. If you're looking for guides and healing facilitators and support, Harmony Wellness Collective in Kitchener has a variety of fantastic individuals who are well equipped to help you heal. Me and Sara Kuz are available for you to guide you if you're willing to work with Human Design as your healing tool.
2. Healing means you finally feel happy
Healing sounds like it should be soothing, easy and bringing relief, right? So why is it that we struggle so much, we suffer and gripe while the painful beliefs and emotions keep showing up?
It is a false belief that healing and raising our awareness will be a peaceful and joyful process. In fact, only through bravely facing our own challenges can we fully get to know ourselves, accept ourselves and love ourselves. Through this self- awareness and love we achieve the healing. It is difficult because we have to look at the wholeness of ourselves. We have to look at the dark side, or difficult emotions and why they are present. If up until now we were ignoring, masking, taming or muting our challenging emotions no wonder they are intensified! Find hope in the fact that this stage will pass. Once the emotions and "traits" of ourselves are fully recognized and acknowledged, they don't need to scream so hard to get our attention. We can then develop a life in which there is room for all of our traits and feelings.
3. Love means sacrifice for others
Many people awaken to their truth because they want to be of service. We feel a calling to help others heal and make a difference in the world. This is a wonderful motivation! However, to be able to do that we need to reflect on how much do we love ourselves first. This is so paradoxical and it took me a while to figure out: how can I love myself first if I really want to help others? Shouldn't I be doing things for the ones I want to help and disregard myself in the process?
The answer is that by loving yourself and allowing yourself to be who you truly are, can you fully give the other person the benefit of your unique gifts and energies you have to offer in your design! Without it, you are trapped in the not- self theme, unable to truly shine. To love ourselves means to listen to our authority, do what we truly love and do so without apologizing or sacrificing our own needs for others.
* This doesn't mean we can not help others in the meantime! Being of service, volunteering and being helpful is, in fact, an act of self love. As long as we are aware of the fact that it makes us feel better about ourselves, we are being honest and we're healing in the process. We are also modeling for others how to heal and self-love. Unfortunately, feeling good because we helped someone is considered shameful in our society. There is this underlying belief that when you help someone, it should be an act of altruism and self- sacrifice. We need to redefine "selfish" and replace it with "self love" or "self-serving" with the full understanding that it is a key to our healing, which in turn, helps others.
4. The lack of self worth comes from not getting enough love from others
This one is tricky! Anyone else here with undefined/ open heart center? Self worth (or lack of thereof) is a huge theme in my life. How easy is it to blame the lack of self worth on our parents, who didn't show us enough love? Or teachers, co-workers, friends, partners who didn't give us recognition?
This is far from the truth because if you don't feel worthy, no amount of praise and reassurance in the world will fill this gap for you!
I do not mean to sound dismissive of your trauma, or when you felt hurt- far from it. I invite you too fully and truly examine those situations and learn from them.
What I have learned from my experiences is that this energy has two sides. One is the lack of self worth, and the other is... PRIDE. It takes courage to recognize your own pride, accept it and love it. Pride is one of those traits that are frowned upon in our society and thus they easily become hidden from our consciousness to self- protect. It takes practice and consistent effort for us to accept and recognize the "dark" side of ourselves without judgment and despair, without shame.
The true reason for the lack of self worth comes from conditioning and our not- self. However, they too are the brilliant lessons we are here to learn and are part of this deal called human existence.
5. Self- love is selfish and easy
What if I told you that self- love for most people is the most difficult thing to achieve? Would that make more sense to you based on your own experience? We constantly hear how we should love ourselves, but no one talks about how radically challenging this concept is! It is not easy and it is the opposite of selfish. When you truly love and accept yourself, you heal yourself and the world you live in. It sounds easy, but the process is bumpy, unfamiliar and scary at times. When you work on rewiring your brain to become familiar with the new ways of thinking, a lot of hidden, subconscious beliefs will pop up. At times, they may seem more real, more true because they were with you for a long time. The mantra through the process is:
~only love is real~
Only love is real. Fear and anger are not real. Sadness and despair are not real. They are here to show us where we're hurt, where we've lost and abandoned parts of ourselves. Once we can reclaim those missing pieces, the true self- love will be unavoidable. It is a lifetime process for most of us so don't be fooled by promises of quick fixes. Life will throw new circumstances, new lessons at us only to help us heal in totality. Gratitude for the opportunities to grow is the best approach in those challenging times.
6. Spiritual people are never angry, they are the light so you should try to be the light
While it is true that awakened and spiritual people are aware of their emotions, it is not true they are never angry. Anger, sadness, pride, ambition- those are all human emotions that need to be identified and accepted. It is simply that the more aware people recognize where their emotions are coming from and they are able to observe them, without mechanically acting on them and attaching to them. We are human beings and as such, we are a duality. We are both, light and darkness.
At the beginning of my spiritual journey, I too had a false belief that I needed to eradicate and change everything that is dark in myself. Later on I realized, that it was an illusion. The illusion is that when we're striving for that enlightenment of being good and loving, we turn away from half of ourselves! We become persecutors of our own human nature, which is the opposite of love and enlightenment. How can you be the light if you hate and discount a huge part of who you are? As human beings we have emotions, ego, primal instincts and ambitions that are very much ingrained into our existence. The answer to the light is actually in the shadow.
7. Once you heal yourself your life will be free of challenges
It is certain that healing is beneficial and helpful. All this effort is worthwhile! It allows us to make conscious decisions and not live mechanically, on auto pilot. However, that doesn't mean that we are free from human experiences of loss, pain and difficult decisions. As long as you're living you are evolving and growing, it is the very part of the process. Certain levels of awareness make human experiences more easy to witness because instead of despair and suffering, we are able to look at them from a more observational point of view and take them in as the lessons that they are.
How can you know that you are actually healing?
You are actively healing if:
you look at your past experiences and you can see how you've learned from them
certain patterns still reoccur in your life but your reaction to them is less intense
you are taking steps to actively get to know yourself, love yourself and accept your unique gifts
you look into the mirror with more kindness then in the past
you can comfortably sit quietly by yourself without the need to make "noise" with music, social media or reaching out to others
you are drawn to nature and are able to go out and observe quietly
you are less judgmental of yourself and others
you are looking at your partner/ child/ parent with more compassion
This list is not the only ways you can recognize healing happening!
Contact me with any questions, leave a comment or like below to let me know if you found this information helpful.
Find us on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/geangardens
Thank you, I'm glad you found it helpful! And yes, that is a great attitude to keep, it is a life long process
Great article. I found it very helpful and will come back to it when I get lost in my head again. Most importantly for me, this is a lifelong journey and the work is an iterative and evolving process throughout our life. Thank you for sharing.